Coping with Grief During December

Practicing Self-Compassion

Through a Challenging Season

December is often considered the season of celebration—full of festivities, gatherings, and the anticipation of the new year. But for many, this time of year can also bring up intense feelings of loss, loneliness, and grief. If you’ve recently lost a loved one, or if you’re grieving the weight of a challenging year, the pressure to “be cheerful” and “move on” can feel overwhelming.

The contrast between the world around you celebrating and your inner turmoil can make you feel isolated. It’s essential to recognize that grief doesn’t adhere to a timetable—it doesn’t disappear when the calendar flips or the holiday season rolls around. For those who have experienced loss, the absence of a loved one or the struggles of a challenging year can feel incredibly raw during this time.

But in these moments, practicing self—compassion is important—allowing yourself to mourn, rest, and heal in your own time and on your terms.

In this blog, we’ll explore how to acknowledge and cope with grief during December while embracing kindness and caring for yourself, even when it feels like you’ve “done nothing more than survive” this year.

Acknowledge the Grief You’re Carrying

Grief can be complex.

It’s not just about the loss of a loved one; it can also be about mourning the version of yourself that existed before a life-altering change. Perhaps you’re grieving the loss of a relationship, your health, or the vision you once had for the future. Whatever the loss may be, it’s essential to acknowledge that your grief is valid.

Recognize Your Emotions:

Acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward healing, whether it’s the absence of a loved one or the emotional toll of a challenging year. Feeling sad, angry, confused, or even numb is okay. The holidays often heighten emotions, and it’s natural to feel a more profound sense of absence when others seem to be celebrating. Allow yourself the space to feel whatever you need without judgment.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve (if you haven’t already):

There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve and no timeline. Your grief does not disappear because it’s a festive time of year. Whether you lost someone or the weight of a challenging year is bearing down on you, your grief deserves care.

The holidays are no reason to rush through your healing.

Embrace Self-Compassion: Be Gentle with Yourself

The holiday season often comes with a great deal of societal pressure to be joyful and to “move on,” which can be especially painful when grieving. If this year has drained you emotionally, showing yourself kindness is vital.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same love and understanding that you would offer a dear friend. It’s giving yourself grace when things feel hard without self-criticism. If you’ve faced a particularly tough year—whether through personal loss, health struggles, or emotional exhaustion—it’s okay not to feel up to the holiday hustle.

Release the Pressure to Be “Perfect”:

Let it go if you’re not up to all the usual holiday activities—attending every party, buying the perfect gifts, or decorating every inch of your home. Set boundaries where necessary, and let yourself skip what doesn’t align with you.

Practice Gentle Self-Talk:

The holidays can trigger guilt—guilt for not being able to “pull it together” or for not feeling as festive as those around you. When those feelings arise, pause and practice gentle self-talk. Remind yourself that your grief is valid and it’s okay to be where you are. Healing is not about being “perfect” or “better” by a specific time—it’s about being present with yourself.

Create a New Tradition or Ritual to Honour Your Grief

One of the most challenging aspects of grieving during the holidays is the absence of a loved one or the sense that everything feels different. Rather than pushing through your sadness or pretending everything is okay, try creating new traditions or adapting heart-centred traditions that honour your grief and bring a little comfort.

Light a Candle or Hold Space for Memories:

• Consider lighting a candle to remember your loved one or
• Looking through photos to honour their memory.
• Share stories or reflect on the love and moments you shared, allowing yourself to feel the connection, even in their absence.

Create Space for Quiet Reflection:

The hustle and bustle of the holiday season can be overwhelming, so carve out time for moments of calm when possible. This could be through:

• Journalling
• Walking in nature
• Mindful breathing or meditation
• Gratitude practice
• Mindful cooking or baking
• Create a cozy ritual (e.g., lighting a candle, sipping tea)
• Digital detox (unplug from screens)
• Listening to calming music or nature sounds
• Enjoying a warm bath or shower
• Reading or listening to an audiobook
• Practicing yoga or gentle stretching
• Spending time with pets or loved ones in quiet moments
• Disconnecting from social media for a designated time
• Sitting in stillness or practicing silence for a set period each day

Let your grief have space to exist, and acknowledge the emotions that surface as you reflect on the year that’s passed.

It’s Okay to Not Be “Over” It.

We often feel pressured to enter the new year with a sense of renewal and excitement. But there’s no rush if you’re still processing grief or the weight of a tough year.

Healing doesn’t follow a calendar.

Honour the Journey You’ve Been On:

Suppose you’ve survived a challenging year—emotionally, physically, or mentally—honour that. Simply surviving can feel like an accomplishment in itself. You don’t need to be “over it” or “fixed” by the time the new year arrives. Take the time to heal, and don’t rush the process.

Allow Yourself to Heal at Your Own Pace:

There’s no timeline for grief. Each day, each moment is part of your journey. If you’re not ready to move on or still feel the weight of the past year, that’s okay.

The new year can be a time for reflection, not necessarily resolution.

Small Acts of Care for Yourself During the Holidays

Self-care doesn’t always require grand gestures.

The simplest acts of care can be the most nurturing when grieving.

Practice Mindfulness:

When you feel overwhelmed by emotion, try grounding yourself in the present moment. Take a few deep breaths, notice the sensations around you, or engage in a brief mindfulness exercise. This can help bring some calm and stop you from spiralling into past pain or future anxieties.

Prioritize Your Needs:

Listen to what your mind and body are telling you. If you need to rest, say “no” to an invitation, or process your emotions, that’s okay. Self-compassion means honouring what you need—no matter what others may expect of you.

Connect with Others Who Understand:

While it might feel isolating, the holidays can also be a time to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Reach out to friends or family members who understand your grief. Sometimes, knowing you’re not alone in your experience can help ease the burden.

Moving Forward with Compassion into the New Year

As the new year approaches, remember that self-compassion is not just for the holidays—it’s a practice that extends beyond the season. You don’t need to have everything figured out as you transition into a new year. Take one step at a time, at your own pace.

Set Compassionate Intentions for the New Year:

If you feel inspired to set goals or resolutions, do so gently. Keep them small, realistic, and focused on nurturing your emotional well-being. You don’t need to overhaul your life all at once.

Focus on healing and taking one step forward, no matter how small.

Looking for some Book Recommendations for Grief and Healing?

“On Grief and Grieving” by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler

“The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion

“A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis

“The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John W. James & Russell Friedman

“When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi

“The Art of Losing” by Kevin Young

“It’s OK That You’re Not OK” by Megan Devine

“Grief Is Love” by Marissa Green

“Option B” by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

“The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer (although not strictly about grief, it’s a popular resource for navigating emotional pain and loss)

Conclusion

Grief is a profoundly personal experience that doesn’t follow a prescribed timeline. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a significant life change, navigating grief is never easy. I hope the resources in this blog are a healthy reminder or a jumping-off point to seek out opportunities for self-compassion.

There is no “right” way to grieve; carrying that weight can make the holiday season challenging. Seek help through reading, therapy, or community support. Healing takes time, and self-compassion is one of the most important gifts you can offer yourself during this journey.

Remember, you are not alone.

Be kind to yourself, permit yourself to mourn, and honour your own pace of healing.

Every small step forward is a step toward peace.

Healing is a journey, not a destination—so be gentle with yourself.

Thank you for being here. Take good care of yourself.

Warmly,

Allison