Befriending the Imposter Within

By Allison Lund, IFS-Trained, Trauma-Informed, Certified Empowerment Coach (AADP)

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“What if they find out I’m not as competent as they think I am?”


“I feel like a fraud. I’m just pretending.”


“Sooner or later, someone will realize I don’t belong here.”

If you’ve ever had thoughts like these, you’re not alone. 

These are hallmark signs of what’s commonly known as impostor syndrome, but from a trauma-informed and Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, what you’re experiencing may be more accurately described as the voice of an Imposter Part within you.

Rather than a syndrome you’re stuck with, the “impostor” is often a protective part of you, one that has taken on a role it believes is necessary to keep you safe from harm, judgment, or rejection.

Beneath its harsh whispers and doubts lies a much younger, exiled part of your system that has been carrying feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and deep shame for a very long time.

In this blog, we’ll explore:

• The Neuroscience of Shame and Self-Protection
• Understanding the Imposter Part: A Trauma-Informed View
• The IFS Framework: Parts, Protectors, and Exiles
• A Compassionate Invitation to the Imposter Part
• Inclusive Reflections on the Imposter Experience
• Integration: Practices for Healing the Imposter Part
• From Shame to Self-Leadership
• Homework: Weekly Compassion Practice

[Disclaimer]
Take what resonates and leave the rest. This blog is for educational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Please consult with a trauma-informed therapist or IFS practitioner if you need support navigating these themes.

Understanding the Imposter Part:

A Trauma-Informed View

From a trauma-informed perspective, the Imposter Part doesn’t emerge out of nowhere. It is often rooted in early life experiences where your sense of self-worth was undermined.

These experiences may include:

• Consistent criticism or unrealistic expectations
• Emotional neglect or invalidation
• Conditional love or praise (e.g., only being valued when you perform well)
• Social exclusion or systemic oppression
• Experiencing environments where your authentic self was not accepted or safe

In response to such experiences, your internal system adapts. The Imposter Part develops as a protector, often aligning itself with perfectionism, hypervigilance, or self-sabotage as strategies to avoid the pain of being judged, excluded, or “found out.”

Underneath this part lies an exile—a much younger, wounded part of you that has internalized the message: “I’m not enough.”

The Neuroscience of Shame and Self-Protection

When we experience shame, especially in childhood, it activates the brain’s threat detection system, particularly the amygdala and the dorsal vagal branch of the parasympathetic nervous system. This can lead to a freeze or shutdown response, deeply embedding the belief that to be accepted or loved, we must be perfect, invisible, or someone else.

Over time, the brain forms neural pathways that reinforce this protective strategy. The prefrontal cortex, which governs reasoning and self-reflection, may get overridden by limbic system responses, resulting in the kind of self-critical inner dialogue many associate with impostor syndrome.

IFS aligns with this understanding by showing us how the brain’s protective strategies manifest as internal “Parts,” each trying to ensure our survival in its own way.

The IFS Framework: Parts, Protectors, and Exiles

In Internal Family Systems, we are not a single monolithic self, but a system of inner parts, each with its own perspective, emotions, and intentions. These parts are not pathological—they are adaptations, often created in response to pain or threat.

Here’s how the Imposter Part often fits into this model:

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The Exile:

The person who carries the original wound—feelings of shame, inadequacy, or rejection—is often younger in age and frozen in the past.

The Imposter Part (Manager):

Works tirelessly to keep the Exile’s pain out of conscious awareness. It may do this by criticizing you before others can, striving for perfection, or downplaying your successes to avoid attention.

The Self:

Your core, compassionate, wise presence. The goal of IFS work is to help the Self become the leader of your internal system and build relationships with these parts from a place of empathy and non-judgment.

A Compassionate Invitation to the Imposter Part

Rather than silencing or battling your Imposter Part, the IFS model invites you to befriend it—to listen to what it is trying to protect, and to respond with compassion.

Try speaking to this part like this:

“Thank you for working so hard to protect me. I understand that you’re afraid I’ll be judged or rejected. I see that you’ve taken on a lot. You don’t need to carry this alone anymore. I’m here now, and I want to get to know the part of me you’re protecting.”

This is not about convincing the part it’s wrong—it’s about validating its fears, and gently inviting it to trust that another way is possible.

Inclusive Reflections on the Imposter Experience

It’s important to recognize that impostor feelings do not arise in a vacuum. For those from marginalized or underrepresented communities—whether due to race, gender, disability, neurodivergence, sexuality, class, or other identities—the Imposter Part may carry the added burden of navigating systemic bias and exclusion.

You may have internalized societal messages that questioned your legitimacy or worth. You may have had to “code-switch,” mask, or prove yourself repeatedly just to be treated as equal. These experiences deepen the wound of the exile and strengthen the protective instinct of the Imposter Part.

In this light, your Imposter Part is not irrational or over-reactive—it is responding to very real messages and experiences. This is why compassion and social context are essential to healing.

Integration: Practices for Healing the Imposter Part

Here are some practical, trauma-informed, and IFS-aligned exercises you can try to build a relationship with your Imposter Part:

1. Part Mapping Exercise

• Step 1: Find a quiet space and sit with a journal.
• Step 2: Ask yourself, “When I feel like a fraud, what part of me is speaking? What does it say? What does it fear?”
• Step 3: Write down what this part looks or feels like. Give it a name if that feels helpful.
• Step 4: Ask, “What is this part trying to protect me from?”
• Step 5: Notice if there is a younger, exiled part behind it. What might that part need from a self-compassionate space within?

2. Letter to the Imposter Part

Write a letter from your ‘Self’ to the Imposter Part. Use compassionate language and acknowledge their efforts.

You might say: “Dear Imposter Part, I know you’ve been trying to keep me safe for a long time. I see how hard you’ve worked, and I want you to know that you are welcome here. I’d love to learn more about you and the pain you’ve been protecting.”

3. Somatic Check-In

Trauma often lives in the body. Gently scan your body when the Imposter Part is activated. Where do you feel tension, contraction, or numbness? Place a hand there and breathe. Let your body know it is safe to feel.
You can say silently or out loud: “I am here. You are safe. You don’t need to hide.”

4. Daily Affirmations with Depth

Instead of superficial affirmations, try affirmations that speak to the protective function of the Imposter Part:

“It is safe to be seen, even when I feel uncertain.”
“I can succeed without being perfect.”
“My worth is not dependent on performance.”

From Shame to Self-Leadership

The Imposter Part is not your enemy—it is a misunderstood ally. It learned, through painful experience, that pretending or hiding was necessary for survival. But you are no longer in those same circumstances, and with the presence of your Self, you can now start to offer this part some of the safety and compassion it has long needed if that feels appropriate for you.

Healing this part takes time, and it’s not a linear process. Some days, it may feel more prominent than others. That’s okay. Each time you return with curiousity instead of judgment, you strengthen your relationship with your inner world.

Homework: Weekly Compassion Practice

For the next 7 days, try this brief daily reflection (5–10 minutes):

• Identify one moment when the Imposter Part showed up.
• Name what it said or felt.
• Notice where you feel it in your body.
• Befriend it with one compassionate statement, such as:
“You’re trying to keep me safe. I hear you. I’m here with you.”
• Affirm your Self-energy:
“ I trust myself. I belong. I don’t need to prove anything to be worthy.”
• Journalling this practice can help you track shifts over time and strengthen your internal sense of safety and worth.

You Are Not a Fraud—You Are Human

To feel like an impostor is not a sign of failure—it is a sign that there is a part of you that deeply longs to be seen, loved, and accepted.

Through IFS, trauma-informed care, and neuroscience-backed compassion, you can begin to heal the root of these beliefs and lead your system with clarity, confidence, and care.

You do not have to hide. You are already enough.